Latest email scam, sent to my inbox...

I work in a detective agency. My name is not important now. I want to warn you that i'm going to monitor your phone line. Do you want to know who is the payer? Expect my next message.

P.S. Of course, you don't believe me. But i think that the record of your yesterday's phone conversation will change your point. The tape is in archive. The password is 123qwe

Then there was some bizarrely appended attachment.

...I swear to The Flying Spaghetti Monster this is verbatim. Does it count as paranoia if the people out to get me are morons?
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    Dude - The Fratellis are kicking my ass with their music...

(no subject)

Dear East Coast Relatives,

We are not on fire. We are definitely in smoke, coughing - but decidedly un-singed.

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We live in the middle of this here ring of fire, just about where the "L" in Los Angeles makes its 90˚ turn.

With Love,